Many times, the reason why a good relationship is ruined in the due course is that the parties involved try to change each other!
Trying to change others is both futile and frustrating. Furthermore, we cannot see other people the way they truly are, as long as we are preoccupied with trying to change them to the way we would like them to be. The people we should know the most intimately are those who are closest to us. Yet it is precisely these people whom we wish to mould into the image we have developed for them. As long as this attitude prevails, we cannot see them for what they are. How ironic and tragic that those we care for the most may be those we know the least!
Some things in the world are givens, and others are modifiable. The only thing we can really modify is OURSELVES!! All other people are givens. Unfortunately, many people assume the reverse to be true. They accept themselves as givens and expect everyone else to change to accommodate them. (There is one limited exception. When it comes to children, we can teach and guide them. When they mature, however, we can no longer mould them.)
This is clear in the words of Marquis de Custine, a nineteenth century French aristocrat when he said: "As a young man, I was determined to change the world. As I matured, I narrowed my goals to changing my community. Still later, I decided to change only my family. Now I realize that all I can do is to change myself"
So, the key to successfully maintain a relationship is to focus on changing oneself rather than attempting to change others. Let others determine for themselves what/how they wish to be.
